De-Transitioning?

Several nights ago on the TLC Network, they shared a show about two transgender people. One a trans woman, the other a trans man.

To make a long story short, the transgender woman had a SRS surgery scheduled with the renowned surgeon Marci Bowers. But she had to lose around 50 pounds before the surgery could take place. The show then moved to a gym where the trans woman was going to try to lose the weight with a personal trainer. As it turned out, to no avail. For whatever reason (and there could be several) she gave up losing the weight and even de-transitioned for a span of time before reverting back to more of a gender fluid life.

I thought the show was interesting because I can't tell you all the times I look at a guy and just want to be a no strings attached male. Life would have been such an easier journey.

Having written that though, I know the hell I went through just trying to live up to my demands of being "a guy." Plus, after bringing my journey as far as I have, I would have to be dragged (no pun intended) back into that world.

So I can see both sides of the fence on this per norm. (Cheers?) But I don't care what Norm says, I could never de-transition.

By the way, the person on the show is a lot like me. I thought she made a realistic if not knock down beautiful woman before she seemingly gave up on the SRS. Also there is the line of thought I subscribe too that if you have to rely on a shiny new vagina to prove who you are, there will be trouble ahead anyhow.

I had a difficult time finding out if there would be a follow up episode to her story or not. A lot of ground was covered in this show including the specter of suicide, a transgender wedding (man and trans woman) as well as other story lines.

My best advice is to follow the link above to see if you can stream it.

VA Backs Out of Gender Confirmation Surgery

Citing money problems, the Veterans Administration reversed their former stance of approving SRS surgeries.

As with most things with the VA, timing is everything as the announcement came out during Transgender Awareness Week. This is also the government agency which has been routinely in the news for poor care or excessive spending elsewhere. So playing the money card doesn't make sense.

What does make sense is, with the new anti LGBT administration coming into power, we will have to circle our wagons to protect hard earned victories.

Information

Recently I received a message from a representative from Junomedical.com who has put together a comprehensive world wide guide to Sexual Reassignment Surgery (SRS).

The guide is very informative and I thought you may want to take a look the same as I did! Follow the link above.

Prodding the Snail?

I am a trans veteran under Veteran's Administration health care. While I am the first to admit my history with the VA has been pretty good, the record with others has been spotty, depending where you were/are.

One thing is for sure though, once the VA approved HRT for trans vets years ago, any movement towards approval of any so called "bottom" or cosmetic surgery has been imperceptible.

Now though "the snail (VA)" has been prodded by a group calling itself   "The Congressional LGBT Equality Caucus Transgender Equality Task Force" is  urging the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) to move swiftly to ensure access to medically necessary surgical care for transgender veterans.  The lawmakers recently wrote in a letter to VA Secretary Robert McDonald. “We urge you to move forward with publishing a proposed rule to remove the arbitrary and outdated restriction that prohibits VA from providing medical services to treat gender dysphoria."

The letter was led by Rep. Mike Quigley (D-Ill.) and also signed by Democratic Reps. Mike Honda (Calif.), Jackie Speier (Calif.), Raúl Grijalva (Ariz.), Bonnie Watson Coleman (N.J.), and Del. Eleanor Holmes Norton (D.C.).

In June, news emerged of a VA proposal that would allow coverage of surgeries deemed medically necessary on a case-by-case basis. At the time, VA officials said the change had been in the works since 2014.

Of course, the proposal does not include a timeline for when coverage might begin, but such changes can take years to come into place. (normal)

The VA already covers transition-related care for transgender vets, including hormone replacement therapy and pre- and post-surgical care.

But it's been barred from covering any actual surgery since 1999 Which means the snail might need far more than a prod to move on actually approving SRS. 

Plus, since the VA has the apparatus set up to send us outside the system to approved providers, the excuse of not having a trained staff to do it just doesn't hold water. 

Sex Versus Gender-a Debate?

No, we all should know there is no debate. Put very simply sex is between the legs and gender is between the ears.

This post is part of a conversation Connie and I had concerning having a "brand new shiny vagina" at her age and what would she do with it? I gave her a partial pro/con answer using a woman in one of my support groups who is actually older than me who is going through (or has just) had SRS.

She considers it a life long culmination to a transgender struggle. Now and only now she can proudly claim "woman" hear me roar. (Sorry Helen Reddy.) In the same breath though she was telling me how her sister would kick her out of the house after SRS.

Of course only each of us can answer the separation of sex and gender we all experience and how far we are willing to go to achieve it.

For example, I live with a woman who would have no problems with me having a vagina because she has always seen me between the ears as a transgender woman. On the other hand, my deceased wife never would have.

Should the trans woman going through SRS only to join many of her transgender sisters on the street, do it and why?

And, where does sex enter back into it either way? Unless you had a hell of a sex drive as a man, estrogen/spiro does a pretty effective job of chemical castration. Plus as a woman, I can't see myself settling down any time soon with an elderly gentleman in the suburbs. Imagine being brought home to meet the the family on Thanksgiving? Either way, my idea of wild passionate sex is somewhere -lost in my dashboard lights (Sorry Meatloaf.)

Like almost everything else a trans person goes through in life, sex versus gender hassle is yet another which seemingly never goes away.

Now, if at least we could get a majority of the public to understand we are not just gay or playing dress up.

What's Next and Why?

Sometime ago at one of the transgender veteran support groups I go to, I found it interesting in the amount of push back I received when I mentioned my desire for a breast job. Specifically from one member who is 68 and going under the knife for a full blown sexual genitalia reassignment surgery. She could barely pee straight telling us all about it (and may not be able to afterwards.)

Good for her. I am glad she could achieve her life's goals and tell her detractors that once and for all she was a woman, including between the legs. I have said it many times though, there is so much more into "becoming a woman" than surgery. Somehow I don't think all the knives in the world can add or subtract the little extra which comes with being a "woman." It is my belief no matter your birth gender, you start the SRS process between and ears and finish between the legs.

Maybe I am wrong and when I see her next, she will be smiling ear to ear, still has a place to live, etc. (Yes, it still happens.)

In the mean time, I'm told by my partner Liz I can research having my breasts done if I prove I can go through the pain of a tattoo. The problem is what kind of a tattoo and where on my body. I keep telling her if I had the boob job first, then I would have extra space for the tattoo but so far she doesn't believe me.

So much for credibility, I might as well be a politician!

JJ's Sunday Edition

Welcome!!! KerPlunk! another Sunday Edition is hitting your virtual front porch!

Weather: Summer Sultry (drag queen or stripper name?) here in Ohio, high's around 90 with humidity about the same. It's times like this I am happy to seemingly get away with a lot less make up. Let's grab a cup of iced caramel joe this week and get started.

Page One: The Week that Was - or Wasn't: I for one would consider it the week that wasn't for any number of reasons. Number one of course was the truck tragedy in France and thinking every morning should I even turn the news on? Plus let's not forget the Evangelicals and their new fave son VP Candidate Pence (scary).

I did read a post about a common sense approach to rest rooms (yes there is one!) It's called the individual restroom or "pick a door-any door." and among other places a grocery store chain from Minneapolis called "HyVee".  With every large format store it has opened since 2012, including three in the Twin Cities in the past year, Hy-Vee built at least nine individual restrooms, joining the ­vanguard of a design movement that had momentum even before transgender bathrooms became a political controversy this year. Big, multi-stall bathrooms as we know them — often dirty and uncomfortable for many people — are on borrowed time.
 “Pick a door, any door,” shopper Samantha Chavez said outside the bathrooms at the Oakdale Hy-Vee on a recent visit. “I can handle all my kids in the bathroom with me and it’s private.”

Single-user restrooms reduce waiting times, relieve social pressure that people with shy bladders feel in public restrooms, solve the problem faced by parents and opposite-sex caregivers waiting for their charges, and eliminate the controversy over where a transgender person should go.

For more go here. Hurry before the Evangelicals find something wrong with this idea!

Page Two: Yesterday's Coffee- Opinion: Let's see, you all probably have surmised my feelings about the Prez candidates and the new "Keep America White and Male" candidate Pence so I will shut up about that. I am sure I can't change your mind anyhow. On another subject with some rather lively debate this week, we discussed SRS and the transgender girl. I urge you to go back a  couple posts and check the comments. As far as I have always wrote, I don't think SRS is for me due to age considerations etc. However, anymore I feel I am slipping  into a more mellow position on the idea and even though Medicare does cover the surgery now would I do it? I do know one way or another I have moved from a solid "no" to "probably not" and I can't explain definitely why. Except I have been on HRT for over three years now.

Page Three: The Back Page: Well kids, it's time to finish my coffee and get moving. Thanks for spending your precious time with us at JJ's House. Stay loved and safe!

JJ 

Maybe It's Not So Quiet?

I received three replies to a recent blog post about the relative quiet here at JJ's House (Thanks!)
Lets get to them:

"Hi I'm Robin and I'm new to your blog, I plan on checking back as often as I can. I too have not decided on surgery, just thinking of the pain is hard."

Robin, welcome! and I too have considered the pain and age considerations on my part with SRS. Plus, I am not so sure my new genitalia would define what is between my ears anymore than my old one did/does.

Or as Connie commented:
"I was so tempted earlier to say this, as it came to me when reading your post, but I thought "better" at the time. After a couple of beers though.......No SRS? You mean no JJ with a va-JJ? :-)"

And Shelle:    

"Sometimes I drop the whole box of pins and prick myself getting them back in the box."

Finally an old picture in black requested by my friend Amy ! Luv Ya! :)

It's So Quiet in Here:

It's so quiet here at JJ's I can hear a pin drop.

It could be because I had another (yawn) uneventful trip with Liz this morning, or it could be my youngest grandson (nine) got a full drum set for his birthday party yesterday.

I "sorta" kind of always wondered what this moment would be. I don't think a transgender person stands a chance sometimes for the "din" in their noggins to quiet down enough to think things through.

Either you are on the "passing" path trying your best to convince the public of who you are, or you are going down the hormone/surgical route which of course brings it own set of challenges. Then, lets not forget the pesky legal gender markers we have to worry about.

So, since I've decided any major surgery (SRS) is pretty much out of the question for me, everything else is pretty much copacetic in my life. A good thing except I have been running so long, I don't know how to take it.

Which brings up the question for a transgender person, when a pin drops in your life, do you hear it?

You bet ya!

The Rise and Fall of the "Beta" Male?

I was surfing along this morning looking for unique thoughts and or idea's to pass along to you all. Today I ran across a post about "Beta Males" from the T Central site.

Without giving you too much of a spoiler alert, a "Beta Male" could be a person who doesn't quite need to completely transition or is having transition regrets so to speak.

All of this comes from a blog called "Claire Flourish." and here is an excerpt to get you started on the post:

"Am I a beta male? Can I enjoy that, and not transition?” I am suffering transition Regret at the moment. But first, what is a beta male?

"Here’s Evan Marckatz, a man who explains men to women. A woman asks about the “total sweetheart” “beta-male” she’s dating. She wants to “take control” but resists the urge because the Guru has advised otherwise. The Guru tells her that advice only applies to alpha males. “He’ll be thrilled that you’re taking control”. If that’s what you want, have fun!"

I would only say Evan, it's easier said than done, because most of the Beta Males I have known I kept wanting more and more until the relationship became more or less so one sided it was unworkable. Some where along the way, the Beta Male still has to develop some sort of workable personality. 

All in all though it is an interesting concept. I live 24/7 as a woman and I don't consider myself anything but a woman and I have had no surgery. So, placing myself in the beta male category doesn't work for me.

I suggest you follow the links above for your own take.

It Was Soooo Easy!

"Back in the day" I tried to buy into the idea of women being domestic "princesses". I would "bribe" my wife into dressing up in heels, hose and a dress to have supper waiting when she got home from work.

I even wrote perfumed letters to an "admirer."

My, have times changed!  I just as soon go to a good restaurant than cook, dress attractively (but comfortably) and can barely remember the time I have received a real live letter. I have written here several times about my wife chiding me by saying I was just a pretty mirror princess and knew nothing about being a woman.

Since I am not the sharpest tack in the box, it took me years to finally figure out what she meant-but I did.

The journey started in what I called transvestite mixers in a group called the "Paradise Club." The closest meeting to me was over a hour and a half in Cleveland, Ohio. It was those meetings that I got to meet everyone from men in dresses smoking cigars and wearing cowboy hats in drag all the way to who I called the "A" listers, who seemed destined to take their so called "hobby" to greater lengths. In fact I knew two who went all the way through SRS.

I still was lost though. It seemed the more I experienced, the more questions I had and the transgender word or concept was still years to come. So, I kept on searching for who I really was not knowing I was still years away and one suicide attempt from figuring it out.

Looking back I often wonder how much easier my life would have been if I had just wanted to stay a guy.

I just couldn't do it.

Ameila Gapin

My partner Liz is a runner, and me not so much, so imagine my surprise when she harrassed me for not even giving her latest "Women's Running" Magazine a second look. On the cover was a full length shot of Ameila Gapin runner first and transgender woman second.

The magazine itself did a wonderful job of taking on the task of the challenges trans women face when they compete as far as gender markers, testosterone levels etc.

I am not a runner, but I will gladly tell anyone who will listen, how estrogen and HRT will sap your body strength before you know it.

Ameila goes into it as only a dedicated runner can in this article. Plus, you can follow her SRS challenges on her blog link above.

Transgender Bucket List (2012 Archive Post)

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Transgender and your Bucket

Is your bucket list half empty or half full? Certainly before we all know it and we are fortunate enough to make it- it's time to start looking ahead to the force calling your number. Poof! "You be Gone!"
I started my transgender Bucket List approximately five years ago. I began to see how much living I could do as a woman or maybe I should say- a trans woman.
I found I could live and more importantly wanted to live as my chosen gender. Ironically I got hammered from within the trans community for waiting so long. Even being called just "another old guy on hormones". The big bad outside world on occasion was more accepting.
To make a long story short, my bucket became very full.
Here's my point: I could have made the move to a full time feminine existence two very specific times in my life-basically at the age of 30 and 40 and didn't. If you are younger (I'm 62 now) and considering the move, I can say time will slip by before you know it.
I can't and won't tell anyone to transition but I do recommend checking the waters if you can. It just confuses me when someone writes me or I read somewhere a person is going to try to go through SRS without living the life! It's a problem created by places like Thailand who really don't care about much more than the cash.
Sure it takes quite a bit of courage and a whole lot of trial and error to experience the feminine socialization process.
Don't think you have to be old to have a bucket list. Do think you don't want to be living a regret later in your life when the bucket has a huge hole in it.
I've known fully changed transsexuals and cross dressers justifying life in the closet who have gotten really bitter over the experience.
Certainly, we all have only one life to live and we all have responsibilities to others.
Just as certainly we all have the responsibility to be true to ourselves.  You may consider starting a transgender bucket list to discover what your truth might be.

Transgender Migration (Archive Post)

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Transsexual Migrations

"Kristina was born 33 years ago as a boy, but in her teens she realized she was at odds with her body. She has been thinking of sex change since 16, but not until four years ago, after moving to Germany, did she start doing something about it. In Lithuania, sex change operations are impossible because there are no laws governing them. “I was told I needed therapy, they suggested I had my head examined. There was so much mockery before... About locking me in a mental hospital, testing and curing like a lab rat. But it is not a disease, a person is simply born in a wrong body,” she explains."

For more on Kristina and Lithuanian transgender law, go here.

Cyrsti's Condo Archive Post

I started to write this Cyrsti's Condo post after I read someone's comment (I paraphrase), if she was able to interact with women - as a woman- does that make her a woman?  Good question and way too complex to discuss in one post-or ten.

Since the venerable "sex is between the legs" and "gender is between the ears" quote is beginning to go the route of most other "discussions" in the transgender community - into bickering hell, I had to try to come up with something different to toss into the mix.  Eventually I went from hell no that's too easy, to why not? She just could be on to something. If gender is a perception held mainly from others, then she is a woman because she is perceived as one plus she perceives herself as one. Finally, I came away with one certainty,  all the thinking made my head hurt!  Remember the old cheap shot, "look at the head on that?" What would have Einstein thought? Is that what happened to his hair?



As I said though, I didn't plan on continuing to write on the vague concepts above.  (Aren't you lucky?) Instead, a mere three word question got my attention, "are you (me) a pre opt transsexual?"  Well, in the strictest of terms yes and no.  Yes, because of totality of my lifestyle and No, because I don't feel the need for surgery (SRS).

That's as simplistic as my backward noggin can make it.  Without another headache of course!

Cyrsti's Condo "Silver Screen" Update

As I wrote in the Sunday Edition, Liz and I watched "The Danish Girl" Saturday and "Carol" on a rare weekend when we go out to see two movies. Carol stars Cate Blanchett who is at once a powerful/cold wealthy woman at love with Rooney Mara.

On the other hand, Blanchett is vulnerable in the role and goes from sort of a regal/imitator to the girl next door peaking out of the shower with no makeup,

As I said/wrote before, we were interested in watching Carol also since it was filmed here in the Cincinnati, Ohio area and we happened to be downtown when they were gathering the vintage cars for the movie.

Since Carol is a love story between two women-yes there is a very erotic love scene. Sort of icing on the cake (so to speak.)

Of course between the two movies, "The Danish Girl" meant more to me from a purely personal nature. Lili Elbe's life (even though years apart) were so similar-MAINLY the interactions between her and Gerta her wife. I think I walked into the movie thinking Gerta gave Lili the green light for a transition which went all the way to one of the first sex reassignment surgeries. I was wrong. Gerta was hurt and questioning-mad and hurt through out the experience. To the point she used the magic words most all of us hear if we are married crossdressers or transwomen from our wives.  A transition is all about us.

I don't want to go into any more spoiler alerts than I did. I did overviews. 

Finally, if you live in an older city the size of Cincinnati, you may look around for what I call "boutique" theaters. They are usually around big colleges or upscale suburbs in reclaimed movie theaters.  Plus, the theaters are more apt to hold on to movies a little longer than the big box places with all the kids!

Trans Flap?

With all the "flap" going on about the "Danish Girl" movin picture show- it's hard not to miss the glam and glitz of the fashion in the Roaring 20'!!! 

Check out one of the original SRS pioneers- Lili Elbe. From the shoes to her hat Lilli is working it! I love the fashion.

Another Trans Vet Center Opens!

From NPR:  "A Veterans Affairs hospital in Tucson, Ariz., is expanding treatment to a previously under-served faction of the armed services: transgender veterans.
It's one of the first VA hospitals in the country to open a clinic devoted exclusively to trans vets.

Now, more than 130 transgender veterans are receiving treatment at the Tucson VA. Due to the high demand for these services, the women's clinic at the hospital is now devoting one day a month to the expansion of care for transgender veterans.

Trans Woman Veteran Carla Lewis

"We have been flooded with phone calls since we've announced that the clinic will be opening — patients from all over wanting to know about it, to be able to take advantage of this opportunity," says Sonia Perez-Padilla, the women's clinic director. She's now also in charge of the transgender clinic, which includes a psychologist, social workers, clinical pharmacists and a therapist."

If you are a transgender vet. and you haven't had much experience in the system (V.A)- I think much is determined about where you are and how big your hospital is.

My belief is going forward, our future with approved procedures up to and including SRS will be tied into what happens with our active trans military brothers and sisters.

I have already heard them bitching  about the cost. But, when you consider all the other money the 'govnment' wastes in a couple hours, it's not much of an argument.

 Plus, I don't think I am going out on too thin of a limb when I am thinking all the changes better take place before any of those certain 'Repub' candidates happen to get elected.

Just 'guessin'

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition."

Ker Plunk! Listen up! Another Sunday Edition is hitting your virtual front porch. Just a mile or so of the Ohio River we are experiencing record warm temps and no violent weather-for awhile. Example? The Bengals/Squeelers Football game here in Cincinnati today is expected to be dry with highs near 70. For all of you who aren't so fortunate, I am sending all the good vibes I can! Now, let's get started.

Page One-the Week that Was - or Wasn't: Selfishly, the week for me was one of ups and sniffles. Been feeling under the weather, but mixed in with all of that was a trip to the VA and discovering somehow they had been keeping my gender change a secret. However, being the VA-they changed my gender but not my name so I became sort of a reverse of the old Johnny Cash song "A Boy Named Sue." - a girl named a boy's name. However, the whole problem is expected to be fixed when I get my legal name change completed December 23rd. Which brings us to Page Two:

Page Two-Wiping the Slate Clean: Obviously it is a huge deal to have your gender markers changed. A move which has become (more and more) one of choice and not of expensive/painful surgery which was/is out of most of us's reach - if we wanted it or not. Now increasingly, stories of legal gender liberation are becoming part of the public consciousness. Here is Connie's:

"As of yesterday afternoon, I have finally jumped through the name-change hoop, myself! I was approaching it like just another hoop, anyway, but the judge was more emotional about it than I - treating it more like a ceremony than a legal formality. In fact, the whole courtroom broke out in applause as I exited! I managed to hold back the tears until half-way across the parking lot. I had intended to go directly to the Dept. of Licensing to get my new driver license, but I'd totally ruined my makeup before I made it to my car, and there was no way I was going to have that face on my new license. I can't believe that I waited so long to do this, but at least I didn't wait until I was as old as you are, Cyrsti (or whatever your new name is). HaHa. I have to say that this is all pretty cool - don't you think? BTW, I did not include the "fabulous" for my new legal name, but it sure makes me feel that way. :-)"

OK!!!! YAY! I am so happy for you Connie!!! (Regardless of the cheap shots!)  FYI The outgoing judge I am seeing also has refused to sign same sex marriage licenses like the snake woman down in Kentucky but Ohio for once has figured how to sweep it under the rug-or his robes. And, the court "room" has about 15 seats and my "case" should be about the last before they shut down for Christmas.

Page Three-Looking Back and Forward: Looking back, I have always "blamed" Connie for the Cyrsti's Condo blog. We "met" on the same "social" blog which was heavily dominated by who I used to call the "trans nazi's" or purists. I used to write about my crazy stories as I sought my true gender and got "bashed" by more than a couple of them. What?? Have fun??? How dare you??? And when is your surgery scheduled anyhow?

It was Connie who suggested I write my own blog. I asked how it was spelled? 

Finally Connie, either at your age you have a great memory (or were guessing), my legal name will be a mix of my maternal grandfather's name and my Mom's. Being rather superstitious, I have been very guarded about telling anyone what it will be. Ironically though, I have sort of painted myself into a corner because my whole life now is built around peeps who have always known me as Cyrsti. Never was a good painter though!

Page Four-The Back Page: Well, got to go kids. Thanks for stopping by Cyrsti's Condo!! Love you all!

If You Bought a New Cadillac-Would You Drive It?

Years and years ago, I heard Oprah interview several transgender women and their spouses who decided to stay with them through transition. A couple all the way through SRS. 

She (Oprah) zeroed in on one of the transgender women and asked her about the surgical procedures she endured. Then, she pushed the envelope farther and asked the trans woman about her "sexual" future. In other words, if she had a chance to fall in love and be sexually attracted to a man now-would she "try out" her new "equipment?" After pausing and with her wife sitting there-the trans woman said "no."

I paraphrase here and quote Oprah's quick response as a non believing "if you bought a Cadillac, why wouldn't you drive it?" Which brings me to another point.

Katie and Arin Young, Trans and Looking for Love, BBC

Katie Glover editor and publisher of Frock Magazine recently wrote a thoughtful article for the Independent  about the BBC3 Documentary "If you're young, trans and looking for love" you may want to check out. Katie doesn't "skirt" the issue and gets quickly to the "meaty parts."-or the promise (failed or not) of SRS.


You may want to follow the link above to read it.

My only point to be made is Sex Realignment Surgery should never be presented as a be all end all to any transgender person. After all, sex is sex and gender is gender and many times the two don't have to meet for a trans person to live a meaningful life.

To each his own though, so if you do have a new Cadillac in the garage, don't you at the least have to "test" drive it to keep it usable if you need it?