The Gender Buck Stops Here

 

Image from the Jessie
Hart Collection

It took me over fifty years of cross dressing as a woman to decide I had enough and I finally decided to come out full time as a transgender woman.

At that point, I either threw out my old male clothes or donated most of them to a local thrift store which was the demarcation point of when I flipped the script and stopped cross dressing as a man. For awhile it was difficult deciding what I would wear everyday as a trans woman. I knew I desperately wanted to blend in with the other women around me but knew I had to put in considerably more effort than they did to do it. Plus the effects of the hormone replacement therapy I was on was beginning to drastically change my old male appearance. So a change was needed. My skin was softening, along with the lines of my face, so I was beginning to appear quite androgynous. 

With all these changes taking place, I finally had a one on one talking with myself and decided enough was enough. The gender buck stopped there and then. It was time to take advantage of a lifetime of preparation and cross the gender border and live as a transgender woman. All those years of admiring my self in the mirror and attending transvestite mixers in Columbus, Ohio would be put to the test. During the mixers I was able to see and meet many different types of cross dressers all the way to transsexuals to determine just where I fit in. It was about that time when the term "transgender" was being publicized and I immediately thought the term fit me. It turned out it actually did and my life would never be the same again.

When the buck stopped with me and I began to take complete responsibility for my gender questions, my life suddenly became easier. Even though I was still facing questions in the harsh light of the public's eye. I needed to learn being a successful transgender woman took so much more than just taking care of my appearance. Surely appearances were the path to opening doors but what happened after the door was opened became very stressful. How could I handle actually communicating with a man or another woman when I was so new at doing it. Possibly the most frustrating part of the whole communication process was how much it changed with each person I encountered. The process was not unlike playing tennis and waiting for the other person to serve. Finally I began to relax and make the best of a situation I never knew where it was going.

It turned out relaxation was another key to my new ability to exist in the world as a trans woman. I learned for the most part men left me alone and women were just curious as to why I wanted into their world at all. I valued my communication with other women because I was learning so much about playing in the girl's sandbox.  My confidence was high and I thought I had as much business as other women did in the sandbox. From there, I made the most of it. 

It is also important to note, when I determined the gender buck did end with me, there would be no turning back. I became so involved in learning my new feminine life and it felt so natural, I would actually take the gender buck and spend it. 

Mama Didn't Raise no Fool

Liz on Left. New Years Eve
from the Jessie Hart
Collection

 Before I get into this post, I need to mention how happy I was when the State of Ohio overwhelmingly rejected a power grab move by the political party not called Democrat. The move now clears the way for a November vote on the amendment to insure women in Ohio are protected against restrictive abortion bills. It's a huge start in the right direction for women's rights in Ohio.

The whole failed ballot initiative proved for once many parents didn't raise fools here in Ohio. 

When I was growing up, politics were basically a private topic in our house. My Dad (a banker) never talked about his politics although I always suspected he was always leaning to the right. On the other hand, I thought my Mom (who was a teacher) would have been a Democrat, She almost went as far as mentioning I dodge the Vietnam War draft by heading to Canada. Which of course I never did.

By now you are most likely thinking what does any of this have to do with being a transgender woman. One of the main things is my Mom and I never really had the chance to discuss how I really felt about my gender. I only brought up to her that I was a transvestite or cross dresser one time and it was after I was discharged from the Army. As suspected, she soundly rejected the possibility of me being feminine at all. In fact she offered to pay for a therapist because back in those days, we were still in the dark ages when any gender dysphoria was considered a mental illness. Plus, she was firmly rooted in the "greatest generation" mentality. The WWII/Great Depression group who were long on providing and short on emotion. Looking back now, I wish I would have brought it up to my Mom again before she passed to see if she would have at the least changed part of her thinking.

My Mom and I were much alike, I favored her in actions and in appearance. I even added her first name as my middle name when I had it legally changed years ago. Mainly because I feel she would have finally came to some sort of a begrudgingly acceptance of my authentic self over time. 

Most importantly, Mom taught me to think for myself  and to be as free as possible. In other words, not to be a fool. Ironically, she raised me so well to do it that it came back to haunt her when I finally had the courage to come out to her, or completely let her into my life. When she rejected me, that was it and we never talked about my gender dysphoria again before she passed away. I feel in many ways I was the fool for not pressing the transgender issue with her when the information began to become available. My excuse is life got in the way and I didn't. 

As far as my Dad goes, he was a wonderful provider and distant father. Coming out or letting him in to myself was never an option. Most likely similar to many of you. 

As I said, perhaps the biggest fool I faced was myself because I took so long to embrace who I really was in my life. 

Your Help is Needed

We are yet in another crisis for transgender youth here in Ohio. Predictably Republican state representatives are pushing severe anti LGBTQ agendas. One in particular is coming up to a vote soon.

Here is something you can do to help with a simple phone call to this number:

 614-466-6344

“Rep Manchester, my name is _______, I’m a resident of _______ county, and I’m calling today to ask you to vote NO on HB454, the trans youth medical ban.”

If you don't live in Ohio, make certain you add the passage of this bill will add to the reasons you will never visit here/there.

Thanks for your help!

Coming Attractions

 Over the past week including a couple days coming up, I have been able to get out or at least attend events virtually. 

Friday night was the transgender - crossdresser support group social attended by twelve people including Liz and I. We have been going to the same place for years without a problem. To be truthful, the venue isn't the best on service or speed of cooking orders but everyone knows it. Even still, there are a few who make the visit uncomfortable. Overall, it isn't the easiest thing to do to reserve tables together for a group of our size.

Plus, I just was contacted yesterday concerning an alleged comment  from the DJ, about the "rude tran-ies" I figure there could be some truth to his bigotry because last week when Liz and I went to the same place by ourselves, he was glaring at us when he first arrived and we were sitting next to his karaoke set up. 

We will see if the problems will be raised by the person who told me or not. 

It's too bad because Liz and I had a great time with another transgender woman we know and her partner.

The virtual meeting is tonight. It's the monthly board meeting of Rainbow Elderly Alliance. I am sure we will have reports on Pride in Dayton, Ohio.

Finally, looking slightly ahead, Sunday is my youngest grandson's birthday and we will be making the trip up to the Dayton, Ohio suburbs for the party. It will be different because Liz and I are on a strict sugar/flour free diet we just started. So we have to pack and bring our own food. I will mention more about the diet in an upcoming post.

I leave you now with this thought:

  

Stay Cool out There

 As most of the United States is suffering through intense heat, it's time to pull out those tank tops you maybe haven't had a chance to wear in awhile. 

In Seattle where Connie lives  the temperature  today is expected to reach well over one hundred degrees (F). 

The picture is of Connie doing her job pre-covid by keeping the plants beautiful (as she is!) in downtown Seattle, 

As uncomfortable as all the heat is, it does give us transgender women a chance to show a womans most valuable beauty commodity, our skin.

Around here in Ohio the temps are supposed to be near 90 and Liz and I are supposed to go out tonight. I have finally located my favorite sandals and now if I can get my feet public ready, I will wear them tonight. 

In the meantime, somehow- someway I hope all of you out West manage to get rain and relief from the heat.

Hey Lady!

 Yesterday was my time to head north to the VA blood laboratory to have my bloodwork completed. I prefer to go on Saturdays for a couple of reasons. The main reason is I can talk my partner Liz into going with me and the second is there are very few other veterans there on Saturdays. 

When we arrived, per norm, Liz had to use the women's room after the rather lengthy trip from Cincinnati to Dayton, Ohio. I didn't have to go, so I stayed behind and simply leaned against the nearest wall.  Very soon, a lone figure in a wheel chair approached.  Due to my past experiences at the VA, I have a tendency to not speak to others until I am spoken to.  Yesterday was one of those days I was spoken to first. 

The amputee in the wheel chair looked at me and said loudly "Lady take a seat." He then pointed to a group of unused wheel chair type devices next to me. I tried to politely decline several times until he finally left me alone. What seemed like an eternity, Liz finally returned and we headed for the laboratory. 

Predictably, I was second in line to be jabbed. And, jabbed I was over and over again since I had three doctors asking for blood samples. The most important one is the sample which checks my iron levels. If they are too high, I have to go to hematology for a phlebotomy which means the vampires extract a pint of blood. Second in importance is my endo hormone blood results. The levels determine  if and when my HRT meds stay the same or are increased, potentially. Finally, the third test goes to my med doc to determine if my other meds blood levels are correct. Seven vials of blood later, I was done and we were heading home. 

As we left the medical center, my new found acquaintance looked at me and didn't say anything. I thought at the least, he didn't mis-gender me. 

The trip home was uneventful.

On an unrelated topic, I found this picture of one of my earliest transgender girlfriends along with a mutual friend down in Dallas:

So Close yet So Far

 Every morning when I wake up, after I figure out which part of my old body hurts me the worst, I begin to think about what I will write about here in Cyrsti's Condo, 

After more than six thousand posts over the years, often it's not the easiest process. 

This morning, the idea didn't come until I was talking to Liz about our past experience with Ohio University (not Ohio State) OU is a medium sized school in Southern Ohio which happens to have a well respected communication school. 

It was of interest to me because at the time, I had over five years experience in the radio business as an announcer (DJ), was just out of the Army and had a couple years of GI Bill money I could use on education. Since I already possessed a bachelors degree, the natural move would have been to work on my Masters in Communication. 

To make a long story short, I didn't do it. I used all my usual excuses such as having a new daughter and not really wanting to uproot my little party world by moving to another. Looking back on it now, the real reason I was afraid of moving myself ahead was rooted in my gender dysphoria. When times became real tough mentally, I could always fall back on wearing a dress and makeup. I just bought into the fake reality that women somehow had an easier life.

The more accomplished I became with my feminine appearance, I became so close to actually finding out what women went through but remained so far away. Worse yet, I used the process to become very self destructive in my life. Too much angst led to too much alcohol as I tried to self medicate my bi polar tendencies away. All mixed in with a very strong gender dysphoria. 

The end result is I am surprised I happened along several women who loved me over the years and I was able to survive and actually thrive on occasion.

Until I was actually able to fully complete my Mtf gender transition though, I finally was able to put my so close yet so far reality in the rear view mirror. 

Living my authentic life still seems like a dream after all these years.

Trace Lysette

 Even though I had heard of Trace from her work on television, I didn't realize she is from Dayton, Ohio which is very close to my hometown of Springfield. 

Not surprisingly, Trace went through more than a few troubling times to arrive where she is today. Including losing a job at Bloomingdale after she was denied using the women's restroom. 

She underwent successful gender realignment surgery in Thailand and returned to New York to work as a dancer in Manhattan for nearly eight years.

Trace Lysette's big career breakthrough happened when she landed the role of "Shea", a transgender yoga teacher on the "Transparent" series.

TDOV

It doesn't seem possible but the days are rolling by and it's time again to plan another Transgender Day of Visibility.   Recently, here in Cincinnati, I was contacted by an acquaintance of mine from the transgender - cross dresser group I participate in every now and then locally. 

For the TDOV issue I was asked if I had any ideas and/or would I participate in the Zoom meetings for virtual planning. After giving it a little thought, I figured the whole subject I could shed some light on was what happens to LGBT individuals when they have to seek out assisted living care facilities later in life. 

As I thought the whole process through a bit farther, I thought how fortunate I was  to have been able to attend two seminars on the LGBT aging subject from the person who not so long ago suddenly passed away. In more than a couple ways, I like to consider him a mentor of sorts. 

Now, if I decide to move forward, I have to come up with how I would present it. 

Ohio Inches Forward

 FINALLY the court case designed to allow transgender Ohioans (like me) to change the gender on their birth certificates has been approved in court. This is from "Equality Ohio"

"Until today, Ohio was one of only two states that had a blanket ban against transgender people changing the gender listed on their birth certificate. Today, a Federal District Court struck down that policy—transgender Ohioans will now be able to correct the gender marker on their birth certificate!

Accurate identity documents, including birth certificates, are crucial for trans people to fully participate in society. The 2015 U.S. Transgender Survey found that almost one-third of trans people who showed an identity document with a name or gender marker that conflicted with their perceived gender were harassed, denied benefits or services, discriminated against, or assaulted.

This is wonderful news for trans people who were born in Ohio and, until today, have not had the ability to update the gender marker on their birth certificate—even if all of their other documents were updated. 

The next step is for the Ohio Department of Health to update its procedures for correcting birth certificate gender markers. We’ll be in touch as soon as we have more news about this! In the meantime, please contact the Equality Ohio Legal Clinic through our virtual legal intake if you have other legal needs."

Of course Ohio does have sixty days to appeal this case but is not expected to do so.

Personally I am excited by the fact, I am one of those transgender persons who has gone as far as I could changing my legal gender markers. Even though I have never been asked to produce my birth certificate to establish my gender, it would be nice to have. 

Supposedly, it will take at least sixty days for the Department of Health to catch up to this much needed change. 

Now, if Ohio can pass the anti LGBT discrimination bill currently in the legislature, we may be able to move into the 2020's as a better place to live for transgender people. 

What Does Transgender Awareness Mean to You

 To many of us, this is largely a meaningless question. Since we consider ourselves to be transgender, often we are aware of it much of our waking hours. Plus some of our resting hours as we dream. 

If you are similar to me, you had to live through an all encompassing pressure to find a way to a lifestyle which led to a path to the authentic you.

Along the way, I led an existence which led to hiding, sneaking around and even a form of cheating on my wife which led me to attempt harm on myself. Ironically, the whole process led me to a public scorn on occasion which led all the way to laughter. 

Finally, I came to the conclusion the male lifestyle I was desperately was trying to hold on to just wasn't worth it any more.  

I guess you could say my transgender awareness had reached it's peak and I was able to begin my MtF gender transition. 

I might add too, I suffered from varying degrees of gender dysphoria which added to my transgender awareness. 

Possibly, with the continued influence of the internet and social media over the years, transgender awareness in the general public's eye has undergone a positive transformation.

I can use my home state of Ohio as an example. Our Republican conservative legislature is currently listening to testimony from both sides on an LGBT anti discrimination bill. After years and years, this is the farthest it has ever advanced. Hopefully it will make it this time.

Perhaps also, you can feel a bit of pride in knowing you have existed and made a life for yourself as a successful transgender woman.

If you are still in your closet, hopefully you can take your time, read how others did it and be able to slowly and successfully enter a feminine world. There are plenty of us out here who are great role models! Something else which has really changed over the years.

Finally, enjoy your awareness week!

More Election

 Even with all the election angst in Washington which so effects the transgender experience, our representation under the LGBT umbrella in increasing. Even if it does have leaks.  An example was a link Michelle sent into the Cyrsti's Condo blog: 

"At least 843 LGBTQ people currently serve in elected offices across the United States, constituting a 21 percent increase since June 2019, according to the LGBTQ Victory Institute’s “Out for America 2020” census of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer elected officials.

Particularly pronounced increases were seen in the number of LGBTQ mayors, with a 35 percent year-over-year jump; the number of bisexual and queer-identified people, with increases of 53 percent and 71 percent, respectively; and the number of transgender women serving in elected office, with a 40 percent year-over-year rise."

Locally, here in Cincinnati, Ohio an openly lesbian woman convincingly won the county's Sheriff election over a rump supported republican challenger, 

Even with the increases, there is still so far to go. Here is more information from the NBC News post:

"“While LGBTQ people are running for office in historic numbers, we remain severely underrepresented at every level of government — and that must change,” Annise Parker, president and CEO of the LGBTQ Victory Institute, said in a statement.

According to UCLA’s Williams Institute, roughly 5 percent of U.S. adults say they are LGBTQ. According to the Victory Institute, just 0.17 percent of roughly a half million elected officials are known to be LGBTQ. The Victory Institute says that in order for LGBTQ people to achieve “equitable representation,” there would need to be 22,544 more lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer people in elected office."

Thanks for sharing Michelle!

The Bridge

 After writing yesterdays Cyrsti's Condo post which primarily dealt with the possibility of facing negative treatment when and if you are forced to enter an assisted living facility. I received feedback

In the meantime, yesterday afternoon, I attended a virtual meeting on the subject hosted by Equality Ohio and Rainbow Elderly Alliance of Dayton, Ohio. Essentially, what I found out was I wasn't alone in thinking about building a bridge to jump off of (when considering my future). Survey's taken have revealed the same concerns from a very large percentage of transgender individuals. I liked the surveys because they were careful to separate transgender women and men from the other segments of the LGB community. It turns out, many "gender expansive" (new term) individuals had been discriminated to the extent of even being denied equal health care and power of attorney's. 

I wish I could provide you all with some sort of positive here but the only thing I can come up with is, certain groups are working to help us with education programs for assisted living facilities. The major problem is we, meaning the LGBT community, have few legal resources as far as the government goes.  In many parts of the country. Which unfortunately will not change or even get worse with the latest Supreme Court appointment.

As Michelle wrote in and said: hopefully I will never get close to the bridge to jump off of (and have to enter an assisted living facility. )

And Susan Brooks added this comment : "Like you, I am a senior in the transgender community and I am concerned that I might have to return to the closet in my later years. Now that I have entered my 70s, those later years are much closer than I would prefer. I'm fortunate to live in an open minded region of a very closed minded state. So, elections, such as the one we're enduring right now, have consequences that definitely can hit home.

As you say, don't jump off the bridge before you get to it."

Thanks for the comments. I am trying desperately to bury my bridge parts in the closet!

Back to Being Old

After the brief moments of remembering my past military experience, yesterday was also time to snap back to the present. After I went to a virtual transgender - cross dressers meeting last night, it seemed I spent the whole day on the laptop. Of course it included the time it took me to go through all my emails and the time it took to write a blog post. 

Mixed in with all of that was a LGBTQ virtual webinar on aging issues I watched late last week. I came away from it with at least the sense others shared my concerns with conditions we face as we age. Specifically in assisted care facilities and/or nursing homes. Messages came in from political figures such as Sherrod Brown (Ohio Democratic Senator) and the Mayor of Dayton, Ohio. I also learned more about a group called "Sage" which presents seminars to assisted living groups. 

I am also going to attend another seminar summit meeting today on nearly the same subjects. It's called a "Workshop for LGBT Elders and their Caregivers." Hopefully I will learn about any rights the elderly have may have. 

As I say over and over again, I am so paranoiac about having to de-transition and go back in the closet as I face getting older. I am in a different place than many transgender individuals because I have chosen not to have any surgeries at all, plus no facial hair removal. Take me off my hormones (which is also a possibility) and I am stuck dealing again with the worst aspects of my gender dysphoria.

I am fortunate though I have a strong support group around me. 

Through it all, I keep telling myself not to build a bridge to jump off of before I need to. 

Just Thinking

 This morning, as I looked over my email feeds, I wondered aloud to Liz about how many cis women and cross dressers still support a certain person in Washington and more importantly who he has nominated to fill Justice Ginsberg's spot on the Supreme Court. 

You know the two I am writing about. One is trying to erase all transgender women and men totally, while the other in the future could vote to change everything for women from abortion rights to same sex marriage. 

I can understand why most cross dressers don't care. You see them all the time commenting on Facebook. They can stay in their closets, live as privileged men and not care anything concerning the overall transgender community. 

Cis women, I have a harder time understanding. They must have short memories and/or no knowledge of history. It wasn't so long ago they couldn't even vote or had to fight for any control of their own bodies. 

Maybe it because transgender women have had to go through a major struggle to even arrive where we are, it makes sense we should care more. 

Perhaps now you are thinking what have I done to further the cause. I don't have the financial resources to do much but I have managed to donate small amounts of money to Amy McGrath in Kentucky who is running against Moscow Mitch McConnell and Jamie Harrison who is running against tRump supporter Lindsey Graham. I also have been involved with Equality Ohio trying to convince the republican legislature in Ohio to vote a fairness bill which would cover all of the LGBTQ community including transgender people. I called the new Ohio Speaker of the House last night to express my support.

Most importantly, my vote has been sent in. 

At the least, I want to tell my Grandkids I tried! 

Shopping

No! Not that type of shop till you drop! No combing the thrift stores for every little and/or major bargain. The only shopping I am writing about is getting up at the butt crack of dawn to make it early to our favorite grocery store before the stock was all gone thanks to a bunch of crazy people still hoarding. As it was, we arrived a hour after the place opened and all the toilet paper and pasta was already gone. 

Of course we were all practicing social distancing even to the point of one third of the people in the store wearing masks of some sort. It seemed people were so intent on maintaining the correct social distancing, no one even took the effort to even side glance at me. So much for the painstaking time I took to apply a light makeup designed to look as if I wasn't trying at all.

Actually though, all the distancing was just fine by me. At my age and with my previous breathing issues, I definitely qualify as an "at risk" person. Also this morning was the first time in nearly two weeks I have ventured out at all.

On another level the pandemic has affected us as a family. Yesterday my partner Liz learned she was being furloughed from her job indefinitely. Now she has to try to navigate the bureaucratic mess which is the Unemployment System here in Ohio which of course is being terrifically strained from all the people suffering job losses. 

The moral to the story (or this post) is stay in, stay safe and do the best you can during these difficult times.  

Relevance versus Transgender Activism

Connie wrote in this comment in regards to the Cyrsti's Condo post on activism within the trans community. Or, at least on how it pertains to me:

"The subject of relevance was discussed a couple of posts ago. This post seems to fit right in with that subject. If the TOS was cancelled, do you think that it was done so because of its becoming less relevant in today's culture? Also, I can certainly understand how trans/cross dresser meetups might be less relevant to you these days.

I live in a state that has legislation protecting trans people's rights, for the most part. Still, there are bills introduced every session that are designed to strip some of those rights. It's more difficult to overturn current legislation, so I would hope that Ohio would also put more protections for trans people into law. Rather than just working to defeat the negative bills, maybe you could get involved in trying to get more protections in place. I think that it would have more direct relevance, anyway. Through your work on trans elder care, the opportunity to do that may well be the most relevant thing you could do.

The fact that I can live a fairly normal life, as a transgender woman, is largely the result of the laws that protect me. Still, it is my own ability to have control over my life that gives me the flexibility to choose, as well as avoid, those situations in which I place myself. Losing that control, and surrendering it to the institution that would be designated for my care, is my worst nightmare. I hear horror stories of how infirm individuals are mistreated, and I can only imagine how much worse they could be for trans people. I can picture myself lying in bed with a two-day beard growth, having my genitals wiped down by a caretaker, and then feeling helpless in my ability to convey my trans-woman status when even mis-gendered. My imagination only shows it getting worse from there.

There are so many more of us trans people who have been able to embark on a transition in gender at an older age now. Many of us have decided that the transition not necessarily include GRS, hair removal, voice therapy or surgery, or even HRT. I know that a successful social transition can be made without any of those things, because I have done it. It has not been without effort, on my part, however. Without the energy or physical ability to put in the effort, though, what success would I really have? We should all have a living will, directing how we would like to be treated, should we be unable to convey our wishes - most typically in the form of a "Do Not Resuscitate" order. Perhaps we should also have a stipulation that "I Am a Woman" be tattooed in a prominent place on the body (OK, that is rather drastic, I admit). Still, though, we would be at the mercy of our caretakers as to how we would be treated, in that regard, unless there is an actual law that could be as enforceable as a "Do Not Resuscitate" order.

I rather prefer the thought of being proactive than being reactive, if one is inclined toward activism, at all."

I don't know if I mentioned it but Ohio's bill regarding transgender rights is being debated currently. Supposedly this time it has a better chance of being passed because of backing from quite a few forward thinking major corporations in the state. Plus all of the major cities in the state have passed protection bills too. So, I am keeping my fingers crossed!

Thanks for the comment.

Welcome to Hell

As I continue my Cyrsti's Condo post from yesterday, the best place to pick up the story is when I was honorably discharged from the Army. All of the sudden I had this incredible sense of freedom.

As in all freedom's though, this one carried a price. It all started with the naive notion I could continue to come out to others as a transvestite (the common term for a cross dresser) in the mid 1970's. As I have written about several times, I was soundly rejected by my Mom and from there mostly headed back into my closet.

By "mostly" I meant, only my wife really knew anything about my cross dressing desires except for a few Halloween adventures when perhaps I looked a little too accomplished as a woman in front of a few of my friends. Amazingly though my normal macho exterior I worked so hard for carried the day.

As you can probably guess, the yearly Halloween adventure and dressing up at home behind closed doors wasn't nearly enough. The formula was fairly simple. The more I cross dressed the better I became at it and then I felt more and more natural which led to more gender confusion.

Virginia Prince 1940

About that time I learned of Virginia Prince and her Transvestia Magazine. I quickly learned I was not alone and I felt it was time to meet others like me. I also found there were mixers going on within driving distance of me.

As I attended the mixers, I learned quickly there were layers of different people. All the way from the cross dressers who were desperately trying to hold on to their masculinity by smoking big cigars in drag all the way to impossibly feminine figures.  This created yet another quandary for me. Where did I fit in?

I was far removed from most of the macho cross dressers but was curiously attracted to the fabulous feminine creatures. Of course at that time (and in many instances still do) I ended up in a middle niche I carved out for myself.

The problem this all created for me was it caused me more extreme gender dysphoria pressure. My answer was increasing my alcohol consumption, getting a divorce, losing a business and moving from Ohio to the New York City area. In other words, I was out of control...sort of. Out of the chaos came another marriage to a woman who knew of my cross dressing desires and who I was destined to be married to for twenty five years. She passed away quite unexpectedly from a heart attack at the age of 50.

The problem with all of this was, slowly I was coming to grips with the fact I was probably more of a new term I was learning more about. Could it be I was transgender? 

Being transgender meant all kinds of potential problems and changes.

The pressure became so intense it led me to try to commit suicide.

More on that in my next post.

Changing of the Season

Well, as expected, the weather around here in Southwestern Ohio is making a dramatic turn from fall to winter. 

Fall has always been my favorite season of the year and I am always sad to see it go. Why? Primarily I have always liked the fashions and maybe on a separate level, football has always been my favorite sport. Long ago I decided just becoming a woman should not stop me from enjoying part of my male life I so loved.  Also, fall has always meant a time of deep change to me. Somehow I always have equated fall with my gender transformation.  

Perhaps it had to do with Halloween's effects on the season too.  Long suppressed gender feelings of being a girl were reawakened.  Plus, the successes of going out on Halloween in a feminine costume just urged me on to go farther. 

One thing led to another and all of a sudden I was at the tipping point of living full time as a transgender woman. 

It seemed too, fall was a great fashion time to present as a woman. As I did, I learned the basics of shopping for myself, experimenting with makeup and adding the proper accessories. In doing so, I found I needed to communicate with the public, which in turn taught me the very different basics of gender communication. 

I know I am giving too much credit to the season because the gender learning curve for me lasted for years, not months. But I vividly remember the joy when the weather cooled off and my makeup didn't melt off. 

In the meantime, as Mother Nature transitions into winter around here, there is plenty of time to enjoy boots, warm fuzzy sweaters and soft leggings!

Ohio Takes Another Baby Step Forward

Finally, Ohio has taken another step to join the rest of the country and allow genders on birth certificates to be changed. By the way, I live in Ohio and my birth certificate is my only remaining form of identification which doesn't state I am female.

Here is the story from the "Associated Press":

 "Four transgender people challenging an Ohio rule preventing people from changing the gender listings on their birth certificates have won their day in court.

U.S. District Court Judge Michael Watson denied the state’s request that the lawsuit filed by the ACLU, Lambda Legal and the ACLU of Ohio be dismissed.

The lawsuit contends the birth certificate rule imposed by the state Department of Health and the Office of Vital Statistics is unconstitutional."

Ohio and Tennessee are the two remaining states not allowing any sort of birth certificate changes.

However to my knowledge many different versions of these changes exist.  For example, I don't know that when and if Ohio's changes take place, will a person have to go through genital realignment surgery to  be able to change their birth certificate or offer proof they are living as their chosen gender.   

That point is of importance to me because I have not had, nor do I plan on having any surgery. 

A federal lawsuit challenging Tennessee’s rule was filed in April. Kansas ended a federal lawsuit there in June, when Democratic Gov. Laura Kelly struck a deal by agreeing to allow gender identity changes on Kansas birth certificates.