Revisiting Danielle Berry
Following my post called "Another Transgendered Pioneer" I received two very compelling comments from Anne here on the blog.
More fro the late Ms. Berry.....
"That's advice I wish someone had given me. I had the sex change, I "pass" fine, my career is good but you can't imagine the number of times I've wished I could go back and see if there was another way. Despite following the rules and being as honest as I could with the medical folks at each stage, nobody stopped me and said "Are you honest to God absolutely sure this is the ONLY path for you?!" To the contrary, the voices were all cheerfully supportive of my decision. I was fortunate that the web didn't exist then - there are too damn many cheerleaders ready to reassure themselves of their own decision by parading their "successful" surgeries and encouraging others."
"I can speak the transgender party line that I was a female trapped in a male body and I remember feeling this way since I was 4. But, it's never that easy if you look at it sincerely and without preconception. There's little question that a mid-life crisis, a divorce and a cancer scare were involved in at least the timing of my sex-change decision. To be completely honest at this point (3 yrs post-op) is not easy, however, I'm not sure I would do it again. I'm now concerned that much of what I took as a gender dysfunction might have been nothing more than a neurotic sexual obsession. I was a cross-dresser for all of my sexual life and had always fantasized going fem as an ultimate turn-on. Ironically, when I began hormone treatment my libido went away. However, I mistook that relief from sexual obsession for validation of my gender change. Then in the final bit of irony, after surgery my new genitals were non-orgasmic (like 80% of my TG sisters)."
First of all I would like to thank Anne for wonderful insight into a situation so many of us sacrifice our lives and families to accomplish
At the risk of becoming too controversial again I have a couple thoughts on Anne's.
Are there more than just a few "fully operational" transsexual women who wished they had not gone all the way? Have I just been unlucky in the number of really bitter trans women I have known? (NOT Anne!) Are they bitter because they wish they had not went through the change?
I was lucky. In my formative transgendered years. I knew a person who I felt was a very unhappy individual after "going the distance".
From her I learned to be careful what you wish for. I also learned try to be very introspective into my transgender status.
NONE of that makes me a better person. For some reason, my gender identity problems were always centered mentally and not so much genitally. So I don't have a pedestal to climb up on.
At any rate I can't thank Anne enough for adding her very valuable comments.
Every time I think we have covered nearly all of the many facets of our transgendered world-we uncover another!
"That's advice I wish someone had given me. I had the sex change, I "pass" fine, my career is good but you can't imagine the number of times I've wished I could go back and see if there was another way. Despite following the rules and being as honest as I could with the medical folks at each stage, nobody stopped me and said "Are you honest to God absolutely sure this is the ONLY path for you?!" To the contrary, the voices were all cheerfully supportive of my decision. I was fortunate that the web didn't exist then - there are too damn many cheerleaders ready to reassure themselves of their own decision by parading their "successful" surgeries and encouraging others."
"I can speak the transgender party line that I was a female trapped in a male body and I remember feeling this way since I was 4. But, it's never that easy if you look at it sincerely and without preconception. There's little question that a mid-life crisis, a divorce and a cancer scare were involved in at least the timing of my sex-change decision. To be completely honest at this point (3 yrs post-op) is not easy, however, I'm not sure I would do it again. I'm now concerned that much of what I took as a gender dysfunction might have been nothing more than a neurotic sexual obsession. I was a cross-dresser for all of my sexual life and had always fantasized going fem as an ultimate turn-on. Ironically, when I began hormone treatment my libido went away. However, I mistook that relief from sexual obsession for validation of my gender change. Then in the final bit of irony, after surgery my new genitals were non-orgasmic (like 80% of my TG sisters)."
First of all I would like to thank Anne for wonderful insight into a situation so many of us sacrifice our lives and families to accomplish
At the risk of becoming too controversial again I have a couple thoughts on Anne's.
Are there more than just a few "fully operational" transsexual women who wished they had not gone all the way? Have I just been unlucky in the number of really bitter trans women I have known? (NOT Anne!) Are they bitter because they wish they had not went through the change?
I was lucky. In my formative transgendered years. I knew a person who I felt was a very unhappy individual after "going the distance".
From her I learned to be careful what you wish for. I also learned try to be very introspective into my transgender status.
NONE of that makes me a better person. For some reason, my gender identity problems were always centered mentally and not so much genitally. So I don't have a pedestal to climb up on.
At any rate I can't thank Anne enough for adding her very valuable comments.
Every time I think we have covered nearly all of the many facets of our transgendered world-we uncover another!
by Danielle Berry
[1949-1998]
[Compiled from a number of emails I sent in response to requests for input from those considering their own change.]
"Don't do it! That's my advice. This is the most awful, most expensive, most painful, most disruptive thing you could ever do. Don't do it unless there is no other alternative. You may think your life is tough but unless it's a choice between suicide and a sex-change it will only get worse. And the costs keep coming. You lose control over most aspects of your life, become a second class citizen and all so you can wear women's clothes and feel cuter than you do now. Don't do it is all I've got to say.
http://anna-es-asi.blogspot.com/2011/05/high-price-of-tg-borg-hive-think.html